So here are my thoughts on BlogHer and how they relate to Expressing Motherhood.
I went to socialize.
I have never had intentions of monetizing ExMo. I didn’t go to listen to the break out sessions.
I was never a great student, especially once my anxiety kicked in during high school. I always sat by a window or the door so I could exit if I needed to.
I never cared about making money off this show.
Well, that’s not true. I did for one year. After my year of trying and failing I pitched it to multiple conferences, “The Year I ho’ed Myself Out.” Basically saying I played the game, posting regularly, tweeting, etc. Nothing came of it.
Except a call at the end of the year when literally I sat at my desk almost weeping due to my son’s whooping cough (being treated) failed plans to make it to a conference I wanted to attend and also just feeling like why the fudge can’t I make money off of something that’s freaking cool and was fresh.
And more then that.
Why do I care?
Then Maria Shriver’s people emailed me and said she wanted to interview myself and Jessica tomorrow at my house and suddenly I felt good. Validated.
Within minutes of giving up on the ho’ing I got that email. I have never been one to make things easy on myself or go the normal route.
I started this show for regular people, not celebrities, not published authors. Ironically I knew I had to prove myself. I am fucking blonde for God’s sake. Well processed. And I have a successful husband. So surely he did this all for me.
I shunned social media.
I disliked and did not own an iPhone.
I shut down my personal blog in ’08.
I did the opposite I guess of what most would have done but my dad says I have done that since birth.
I have poured my heart into this show and honestly going to BlogHer I did enjoy some speakers, I loved meeting new people and I especially loved hanging with ExMo alum Michelle and Elizabeth. These people and this form of art fills my soul.
So I had to leave a room sometimes due to anxiety and also my own voice that said, “Don’t Drink The Kool-Aid.”
Meaning, there is never one path.
And the end result, if it doesn’t end in dinero, is more then OK.
They talked a lot about how blogging has changed how it will continue to change.
Is it relevant?
I don’t know exactly what was said but I know stories especially shared in the intimacy of a theatre will continue on and more importantly fulfill me.
And I don’t need to feel overwhelmed by hits, etc.
I will go to other conferences, I love the days of laughter and debauchery with fellow artistic women. Thought provoking fragments I wrestle with and cry over.
BlogHer has left me a very tired mom on this Monday.
And I thank the women who produced it for all it has conjured up.