This week a big shift happened in our family.
All three kids started school.
For 8 years I have had a child at home and suddenly for quite a few hours I don’t.
I was incredibly nervous Sunday night, setting my alarm for the first time in years.
I woke up as often as one does when they have an early AM plane flight. Finally I got up at 5:30AM made myself breakfast and got the kids up. It felt so wrong waking them up.
Good grief, they just started sleeping in one month ago, I’m not joking.
I got them all dressed and ready by 6:30AM. We were out the door and on our way.
This week has been filled with transitioning my two littlest into pre-school. The moms all sit around, have bagels and coffee and wait to see who gets called back in. I never got called back in.
But I hung a chatted for a few days. I enjoy bonding with the moms, but I was exhausted.
I’m not used to having such a routine. Most of our routines for the last lots of years have involved playing. And yes, watching too much TV over this Summer in particular.
My kids will still play at school.
The fierceness with which I fought to stake out my creative need when I had my first was intense. I threw so much of myself into Expressing Motherhood.
Now I feel another shift. I still have ExMo(yeah, so happy for that) but I’m also starting a Mediation class tomorrow and a writing class in two weeks after that.
I know my days will still be thrown off by sick kids and that’s fine.
Today as I went to Target I saw a mom shopping with her young baby, talking to her. I wondered if I should feel longing. But I didn’t.
I remember schlepping my oldest to the Grove and sweating in the tiny Nordstrom bathroom trying to nurse him, then I was so paranoid about sleep schedule I’d rush us back home. The Grove now has a huge family bathroom so go there if you are a mom with a young baby.
I was neurotic with all of my babies, I liked schedules, they kept me sane.
So in a way this new schedule is nice.
Today felt really good.
We’ve turned a corner.
When I came home my husband asked if he wanted me to make our crib, now no longer needed, into a desk for the kids. Sure, I said.
I look at them asleep, all in one room. Our youngest prefers to sleep with her brothers and I marvel at them. I do wish they would stop growing right now.
I’m really enjoying right now.