Whenever someone leaves LA I become melancholy and also insecure.]
I mourn the loss of their presence, even if I never see them. Just knowing they are here somehow is comforting.
A lot of my friends and past co-workers have left.
It makes me also wonder, should we have gone, should we?
I know so many people who have left LA.
It’s a hard city and very expensive. A lot of my acquaintances go back to the city they are from. Yes, they face the brutal winters but I see them surrounded by their friends and family and I know they are rich in all of that.
I remind myself too, that I don’t really have a place like that to return to. I had a nomadic childhood and one thing that has been wonderful for me about LA, has been the lack of the old established families.
I have always wanted my kids to grow up in the way I envied the other kids I saw when I moved from town to town. Surrounded by adults and children who had known them since they were babies.
So yeah, let’s try that in La La Land. OK, maybe not the easiest challenge but what I have found unique about raising kids in a city is that the parents cling together because we are like “Shit, we are raising kids here.”
Today, deep in some questioning of whether or not we should have bolted I reminded myself my oldest was off to sleep at his friend’s house tonight. His friend he’s known since, well the womb.
I just take some breaths and realize that perhaps LA summers are not as picturesque as others. Others who are able to head to homes they have outside of LA, surrounded by greenery, mountains or cornfields and a slower pace of life.
LA gets hot, people get grouchy.
People leave and I get it. But I’m not going to let myself slip into a sadness or questioning this time.
For a nomadic childhood I have actually been able to carve out a nice space of my own here. Even if it’s a little weird, stressful and holy cow how much?
Of course, I wish I still had my wrap around Iowa porch where we’d sit outside and people would drive by and just stop and say hello. Once, someone drove a lawn mower over.
But even in LA, people have walked over and knocked. Well, OK, weirdos but also friends.
So despite another person leaving I am resigned to know this is where I have chosen to stay. I’m comfortable here and I thrive in this hazy and crazy city.